Preparing Yourself for Play: The Importance of Purposeful Questions

by Sara Kobilka | View Bio
and
Alexa Maille | View Bio

Sara Kobilka

Sara has worked in out-of-school programs for more than 25 years in 5 states including community education, summer camps, university outreach, and science museums. She is an ACRES coach and connected to ACRES through the New York State Network for Youth Success where she is on the leadership team for the New York Girls STEAM Collaborative. She is passionate about building community and operates with a multi-/trans-disciplinary mindset. Her extensive experience in virtual training facilitation and technical support makes her both a skilled and empathic ACRES coach.

Alexa Maille

Alexa aims to help youth and adults grow curiosity and thrive through experiences that weave together STEM learning, positive youth development, and leadership. Alexa has twenty years of experience as a youth development professional. She facilitates innovative leadership development opportunities that empower educators, volunteers, and youth to create positive change for 4-H and their communities. Alexa is the New York State 4-H Youth Development STEM Specialist at Cornell University’s Bronfenbrenner Center for Translational Research and an ACRES coach.

"Play with me, mom!" He insists we sit on the floor (rug still covered in too much dog hair, no matter how often I vacuum) and starts stacking Magna-Tiles together. Reds, yellows, blues, and then the crane, swinging its magnet to grab the next piece. I watch him as he plays and wonder, “What is he thinking about?”

“I can’t figure out why this stupid light won’t turn on!” she yells as she throws a red oblong Snap circuit piece onto the table next to the Snap Circuit Bric: Structures instruction booklet we are looking at. A quick glance at the diagram tells me that the white arrow on the circuit should be facing the opposite direction. I wonder, “What should I say or do so this activity isn’t immediately derailed?”

We know playtime is a valuable opportunity to gain experience and connect. But we often find ourselves asking, “Am I taking the best advantage of this time?”

And here lies the power of the pause. It’s the moment to step back and think about our own thinking. Before playtime even begins, it’s asking ourselves where we are in the moment and mentally preparing for how we could react and respond to what lies ahead. Educators refer to these questions as “Purposeful Questions,” as their open-ended nature serves the purpose of focusing our curiosity. Using Purposeful Questions guides youth toward a learning goal and to go more deeply into a learning experience. During playtime, we can simultaneously turn this powerful magnifying glass inward, amplifying the opportunities for discovery and growth for ourselves and our children. We predict our own reactions, separating out stimulus and response so we can better match our intentions and actions.

And so, we pause to listen to voices that chase themselves around our heads.

There may be the voice that holds you back, saying "I can't do this. I don't know anything about... [insert engineering design concept here].” Instead, you can notice this amazing opportunity to learn together. You and your child can look up more information in the library or online. You can connect with a family friend, a colleague, or a community member who has these skills. This can be an opportunity to actively demonstrate that grownups don’t know everything and that you’re willing to follow where your child’s interests lead. You want to be their Spark Champion Team Captain (a term coined by Peter Benson) chasing after the topics that ignite their curiosity and passion.

Or there is the voice that says, “This will be so much fun! It was my favorite activity as a child!" A voice which inadvertently could spur you into taking over. How can you step back and focus on noticing your child's experience instead? Will they enjoy this or are you living vicariously through them? Is this their spark or yours? And if they don’t enjoy it, how will you handle that?

And this voice’s fraternal twin, which implores you to take over when your child encounters a moment of frustration. The voice, speaking with fear and concern, insisting that a lack of immediate success will lead your child to quit, never to return. Perhaps this is the ghost of a voice that once spoke in your own head as a child encountering a challenge.

And once you do get started playing, there may be the voice that says, "That's not the right way to do that!" Here, can you be prepared to pause and ask yourself, “Is their way really the ‘wrong way,’ or is it just not the way I would do it?” Even if it won't work the way they hope, you can enter the playtime ready to keep this doubt to yourself. You can leave room for mess and mistakes as an opportunity for them to learn about when things don’t work as hoped. Or maybe you will both learn about how things sometimes work in unexpected ways.

And beneath this pause (this opportunity for you to think more deeply about yourself and for your child to make their own discoveries) lies a growing foundation of trust. Trust that you can interrogate your feelings and tendencies before you join the play, entering as a collaborator rather than a commander. Trust that your child will be interested if given the space to make the experience their own. Trust that, with ample time to explore and encouragement in the exploration process, they will find the deeper answer to questions and will bounce back from mistakes.

And as his Magna-Tiles stuck together, the little boy gleefully shouts, "Crane knows what to do!"

After a little experimentation and a 180° rotation, the young girl’s Snap Circuit light does turn on.

Lean into the pause and trust that your child knows, too.

References
“ACRES Professional Development.” ACRES (Afterschool Coaching for Reflective Educators in STEM), Maine Mathematics and Science Alliance, acrescoaching.org/modules/. Accessed 30 Jan. 2024.

Benson, P. L. (2008). Sparks: How parents can help ignite the hidden strengths of teenagers. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.

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